I might not do this any justice- better minds than mine have tried, but I want to try.
In shevette’s article, she asked, “Could you explain bondage if you had to?” I don’t think I can, I really don’t, I don’t think anyone can, and here’s why- it’s like trying to describe what chocolate tastes like. Does chocolate taste like anything except chocolate? Sure, you can say it’s “sweet”, but so are a lot of things that don’t taste anything like chocolate. And what if, (and I know this is crazy talk) what if you’re the one person who DOESN’T like chocolate? Now how would you describe it? There’s only one way to know. You have to taste it.
I have another example. The word “love”. How many different shades of emotion does that cover? How many different things does that mean, from one person to the next, one situation to the next, one day to the next? I “love” my
fiancé, and heartstealer, and my mom and dad, and Phoebus and shevette and God Himself. Isn’t it a different thing, though, every single time? Some people think of love as an abstract, for others it’s really concrete. Love is so nebulous and strange, you can throw a whole library’s worth of adjectives at it and never do more than scratch the surface.
How can we describe something basically indescribable, something you can only get by trying it, something that means different things to different people, and even means different things to them at different times? We don’t have words to tackle that job, even if we knew what the words should be. How about that line from “THE MATRIX”- “No one can be told what the matrix is. You have to see it for yourself.” That’s such a great shorthand for so many things. It’s why doing something yourself is more exciting than watching it on a movie screen, or
TV screen…or a computer screen, (hint hint).
When I was really tied up for the first time (not just playing with my handcuffs when I had the key in my pocket) I thought- “WOW. I didn’t know it would be like this.” And I didn’t. Nothing anyone said could have prepared me for the rush I felt. Like taking the car out with your new license for the first time. Like a lot of things, you just don’t know until you’re in the driver’s seat.
I can tell someone that bondage gives me “squirmy feelings”, and that may sound uncomfortable- which it is, in a comfortable way. And that may be a sentence that never makes sense, until you're in that position. But I can tell you the secret. I can tell you the not-so-hidden truth. I can give you the key to the whole thing. It’s Trust, and Faith, and Love.
When you are tied up, there is absolutely nothing you can do to save yourself. You are at the mercy of the other person. And you trust that they have mercy. You trust that they recognize the gift you’re giving them. You trust that they’re not going to hurt you; that they’re going to untie you, that they won’t make this go bad.
